Duck Duck Cougar?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize