So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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