shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
