How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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