Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
