The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize