There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
