Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
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