You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
