His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
