Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
