i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
