For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
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