im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
