if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
