Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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