So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
So. Much. Porn.
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