I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
