Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
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