i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
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