I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
