I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Randomize
