Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
