piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
