so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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