Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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