literally had 100 drinks last night.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
