im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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