I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
