you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
