Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
