I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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