If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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