from now on my penis is your penis
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
