What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
