i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
