im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
