I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
