i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Randomize
