Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
