Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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