we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
