the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
