Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
