just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
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