I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
