Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
