So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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