hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
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