I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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