Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
