K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
honey bunches of taint.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Randomize
