I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
