I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
