if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
