he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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