Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
