i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
