i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
May the power of my ass compel you!!
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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