Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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