I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Randomize
