last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize