you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
