What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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