you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
