he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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