During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
