I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
