I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
