i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
