wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
