Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
