So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
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