she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I can text with my tongue
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
