U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
