I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
