I have demons in me.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize