Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
