And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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