So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
